Single ladies -Worth the Wait

I often get inspired by facebook posts and decided to write during my lunch break more often. This post caught my attention, “Ladies hear this if a man isn’t following God, he isn’t fit to lead.. If he doesn’t have a relationship with God, he wont know how to have a relationship with you.. If he doesn’t know God, he doesn’t know real love.” So true!

This means a man who shows this in his actions not just words. Therefore you must go slow have supports and discern. If you don’t see good fruit on the tree then you know no fruit, bad root, stay away. Do not think you strong enough to handle it. Even a strong person has weaknesses. If you compromise yourself and give into touch and affection or sexually before there is a testament to his character, you will not be as strong. It may sound old fashioned or outdated but no sex til marriage works! If you have or refuse this advice, know that there is no condemnation. I have fallen before and God forgave me, but I only want to save you unnecessary heartache. Please consider and don’t give yourself away. You are a treasure!

As a bold woman I had to learn the value when to be discreet and how to say no. Listen, some men will tell you anything to get what they want! Even put a ring on your finger! I could tell you some stories! You must see actions. My advice is spend as little time alone. Date in groups or groups setting. He should court you. Don’t skip the steps. Courtship is a beautiful part of a dance. I believe we date backwards. We should meet his family, friends, church before we ever go out alone. Protect yourself and your heart! Date through the seasons, if in doubt put on hold and pray. Don’t take advantage of his spending, but don’t feel bad if he pays. This demonstrates a man’s care for a woman. Believe me in time women give much maybe even more. Don’t let him get too comfortable “hanging out.” There is something powerful when a woman can withhold her affections. Its attractive to a man. Don’t let him pressure you or question you, in the end he will respect you and if not, good riddens! Be strong!

Don’t play with fire. Beware of the talkers and players. See the signs. Listen to others when they warn you esp his or your close family and friends. Don’t waste all your time analyzing or excusing his behaviors or words. The only way you can stay objective is to keep him at arms length. You must have boundaries and support in the dating process. You need to know yourself as well. For some kissing is too much, and don’t underestimate the power of touch. So many people go for the quick and easy, don’t be easy! I believe a kiss is not a trial run but a sign of moving further into commitment. Don’t let him kiss you if you don’t understand his commitment.

You should know what he values and what are his perspective and expectation in the relationship and on marriage. What is his relationship with his mother? If trying what work has he done to heal? What work have you done? Find a mentor who will help you in this process. POP is hear to listen. Read books by Christian authors, pray, but most of all wait. I’ve always said, I’d rather spend a lifetime waiting for the right person then spend a lifetime with the wrong person. Much of your happiness or misery depends on chosing the right mate. Chose wisely!

Finally, if your in a season or have had many years in singlehood, embrace it. This can be a time to fall in love with Jesus and be free to do things you could not as a married person. Please know, neither being single or married are better than the other. Its knowing your season  to weed, water, and bloom and grow where you are! God will blossom you into something more beautiful with each surrender. For more dating advice and guidance see thepathofpurpose.com

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Got Curl trauma? Here’s how I got my curl back

Hair trials & trauma: I have had so many women follow me around beauty stores asking me questions where I make recommendations and help them purchase the best product. So I thought that I would do a fun post about my recent advice given. I have curly hair more of medium type curl. However, now that I color my hair I find it is very hard to get the same natural look. I have been struggling with frizz and not able to wear my curly hair after washed for more than 1 day for YEARS. As most may know, curly hair tends to be drier than other hair so it is not recommended to wash daily to not strip of natural oils, but best to wash more like every third day at a minimum, but you know what works for your hair type. What could I do since i only got 1 day of good hair? Well all I did was pull it up, but not always the best option to frame my round face. Nevertheless, I have gone through  trial and error and hope to help you.

Hair Products: I tried reading articles and posts and found a book on curly hair guide book, but found some information helpful and others not so. I followed the advice of the book but that it was bit extreme for me, esp. in stating throw out your brushes and never shampoo, cut your own hair, but I was able to glean some advise and personalized what fit for me. Still I wanted a solution. Here is what I  learned. First, it is very important to understand the type of water you have in your house. If you have hard water you may like I did have a hard time no matter what miracle product you use. Some recommend bringing in bottled water to wash your hair, but I need a stream to get into all the hair and properly rinse and not interested in lugging water jugs. We did get a softener, (cheaper at Lowes $200. range versus $2000 to have one installed), but it still was not enough to make a difference. I was on a mission! I have gone through 10 years of product trials and finally found one that works after recommendation from a friend of a friend with gorgeous locks! Wen(multiple kinds used & pricey), Deva poo (don’t like smell), and non sulfate products on the cheaper end such as Ion did NOT work for me. (Although i do use ion for swim shampoo to prevent chlorine from turning hair green). Yes I swim and recommend myswim cap to keep your hair mostly dry. Like I said I used these products and many others experimenting with oils, leave ins, sprays, and other conditioning treatments which helped, but they did not give me the lasting luscious curl look I wanted. So I began to read and search for solution.

Hair Cuts: One thing I discovered after reading on pinterest about triangle hair that my hair cuts were all wrong. I would only get a window when I was satisfied with my hair but my hair if cut layers went into a triangle shape. Previously, I would only let the hairdressers trim the ends of my hair. But then my hair would grow into a hippie look where the length and curl pulled the weight of my hair down and it was definitely dated looking! So I just had them trim the top layer to a little longer than length of my face and then slide the cut to trim. The results were amazing! My hair looked fuller and shaped well and I didn’t have to keep plumping to get volume. Also, I do not let hairdresser cut my hair upon each visit which is every 6-8 weeks. I only allow them to cut seasonal approximately every 3 months or as needed. You know your hair! When I cut my hair seasonly it grows long!  Making progress and fine tuning your hair cut can affect your hairstyle completely!

Best Product:

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From curl flop(seen Here) to blissful curls

So, I still was experimenting with products and I finally found the winner to be Ouidad! Yes I found it works! The great thing is that you can try a sample box to see if it works for you. There are four kinds for four types of curly hair, tight curls, wavy curls, need moisture, frizz control etc. Each kit comes with shampoo, conditioner, gel and spray. Not only did I get my curl back, but it lasted for days! Locks in place, hardly any frizz, not stiff, and moisturized. Yeah, I didn’t have to brush out my curls to have Chaka Khan hair only to rehydrate and start all over and end up with frizz! It is a little costly, but if you find something that works its well worth it! Please know that I am not a paid advertiser but just want to help a girl out! So try ouidad and let me know if it works for you!

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dating discernment tips for ladies

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So many young women come to me wanting to hear and learn about dating and so I write this to help you know how to navigate with discernment. Even wildlife know their purpose in mating rituals and so should we. (I took that photo while on a date). Everything is established on the first date, Pay attention! I never wanted to do this because I prefer to believe the best in others! Don’t be naïve! Before you go out on a date alone, I suggest you meet in mutual settings with mutual friends, church, and family and listen and learn. Especially listen to what people tell you about this person. Many times I was being warned but didn’t know it!

To go on a dinner date can be premature. Try different settings, walking dogs (I had guys freak on me on hike with dog when it came to poo, not saying that you want to focus on this, but if something like this happens and its a turn off, is this guy you want to be with?) or try volunteering with something your passionate about like animal shelters or feeding the homeless, other fun things like taking a cooking/art class or going to a concert or better yet a bible study. The idea is spending time. Yes ladies a lot of men think, I took you out for nice dinners and now what do I get? Many ladies can fall prey to feeling obligated to give too much. Feel empowered to say no! Remember he has to win your heart. If he does not do this by action then you can be wasting your time. I write this because I fell prey to many false people and want to spare you any unnecessary heartache. I could tell you stories and hope to share more…

They say men fall in love with their eyes and women with their eyes, so no your vulnerability and guard it until trust is proven and established. If you just want a guy to buy you pretty things and tell you want to hear then this is not marriage material.  Food is bonding and you can be deceived, but if you choose this traditional way then here are some tips to consider.

Does he flirt with the waitress or look at other women when you are together

Does he chince on paying or how much (unless you are a poor college student and even then a man should want to give you his best because you are a treasure) or is he too extravagant.

Does he interview you or seem to see if you fit his wants versus trying to get to know you

Does he make you feel uncomfortable in anyway

Does he excuse himself for long periods or check his cell phone too much

Does he open doors for you and focus on you and your preferences

Lets face it, many men are sexual in nature (I don’t care if he is a devout Christian), you have to be willing to keep him at bay. That is part of the dance. Slow dances creates romance and fast dance creates steam that doesn’t inspire a man for commitment. Some men may spend months and years to get to this point and that is usually cause they are a player, but usually if you put the signal that you are not putting out and looking for more he will quickly go away.

So what do you want to inspire love or lust? If you incite a man for lust then you become a sexual object, but if you intrigue with allowing him to know you slowly you can build a more lasting relationship. So if you want a quality person I hope you will consider some of these tips. Remember you are valuable and deserve to be loved and cherished. These practical tips with prayer and guidance can help you succeed. I would love to hear your stories and questions and talk to you.

Your path has purpose,

Alaina Kaz

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Wisdom Keys to subdue your reactions

Wisdom Keys to manage your reactions and prevent anger from escalating:

I find when I spend time in the word with God in prayer in the morning, I am more able to respond to verbal untruths or attacks with wisdom & faith. When words come at you esp when there is an audience or someone is trying to label or humilate you, I think it’s ok to just say “that’s not true and I don’t receive that” and then speak what is true.

Sometimes silence is golden and should be done with an inner knowing esp when talking to someone foolish or when you know they are trying to get a rise out of you. If provoked to act out in anger excuse yourself and walk away and pray and do not engage in conversation until you feel peace in your heart.

These are some ways I have learned to deter the fiery darts that come to steal your joy and peace. There is power of life and death in the tongue, Learn to speak life and keep your peace!

Thoughts from Alaina Kaz at
http://ThePathofPurpose.com

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Labels, expectations and influences on you

Sometimes the labels, expectations and cultural influences cause one to feel inadequate. It can happen to the best of us! However, peeling those layers that don’t belong on you is not an easy task. I have found by looking through a God lense that only then can the truth manifest. Looking within is limiting, but looking to the God who created you can bring about a transformation so that when you look within you can see yourself how God sees you. Have you ever thought about it?  Many are in identity crisis and don’t know it!

Much begins with understanding your calling and gifts. Can you imagine how different you look in God’s eyes after you peel away all the false identities? Many confuse gifts with their vocation, but having clarity about the difference is revelational! If your feeling stuck, bewildered, and just uncertain, perhaps its time for a wholistic approach. First start by hearing and opening to the concept that you are amazing and created for a purpose. You are important and matter and I want to speak truth into your life! After years of believing or being fed lies I came to the knowledge of who I am and want to help you do the same. I hope this encourages you and blesses you in some way. You truly are amazing!

Thoughts by Alaina Kaz

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Life is abattlefield

Everyone is battling something! Life is a battle and the battlefield begins in the mind. There is a way to find peace in the battles we face, but we all need support and others to help along the way. In order to find your purpose you need to check your path and be sure you are fighting the right battle. No one should do this alone, there is help for you…

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Where are you a…

Where are you and where are you going? Sometimes we are in places wanting change. But often the change must come from within before without. Even dry hard places can be training ground for what is ahead. Uncertain? Well sometimes we lose our way before we find it again. It is important to let others help you along the way and know when to be still and listen for Providence to reveal truth. Above all keep your peace! Cry if you must, pray, seek, but you will find answers. You can do this and I am here to help, just ask!
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